First off I want to thank everyone for all the kind comments on yesterday’s post! It’s always a little nerve wracking to be so vulnerable, but to me it was worth it. I had a couple people reach out and it makes me happy to know someone else is going to be on a path to finding their joy soon!
I had a conversation recently where I felt like I was trying to explain myself, and I couldn’t get the right words out. So this has been bothering me because I felt like I didn’t get the chance to say what I wanted to say. I have heard a few people make comments, not even directly to me, but through the grape vine. They question my authenticity and the way I went about handling my depression. What I want to ask you is this: “Would you sacrifice your happiness all because someone else doesn’t agree with your ways of coping and healing?” Often times people are quick to judge and think everything out there is bad either, a.) they haven’t been in your shoes and they may not fully understand what you have been through (which you can not blame them for what they do not know) and b.) they don’t actually know what your treatment entails, or if they do, maybe they have never been at a point in their life where they needed it, so it’s very hard to wrap their head around, it’s too weird! (again, they don’t know, they hear bits and pieces from people, they jump to conclusions, and again you can’t blame them for what they don’t know). I think all of these things come from a place of fear. People that are close to you, or maybe not, may be fearful of losing you, that you are going to fall off the deep end because you aren’t just toughing it out, you took a different route. They are afraid that you will change (which everyone does as they go through different phases and trials of their life, and change can actually be a really great thing!). Many people have a VERY hard time with NEW. Also, a lot of people, especially people of Finnish decent (which there are a lot in the church I go to and just the general area I live in has a lot) have a very hard time with emotions. It scares the crap out of them.. and they can’t help it, because that’s just the way we are wired. But you know what? When you do start letting yourself feel your emotions (which, God gave them to us for a reason) instead of shoving them to the bottom of your soul, you may just find yourself enjoying life a little more. Emotions really are not that scary and it’s okay to show them and let them out without feeling embarrassed or foolish. And I know some may never change and that’s fine too, as long as they are content. For me, I have found so much joy with letting my emotions come and go instead of holding them all inside.
So, with all that being said, I didn’t write this post to blame people for not understanding me. That’s okay with me. I just wanted you to think about and ask yourself, “Whose life are you living?” Are you living your life true to who you are? Or are you living someone else’s life? Are you being a people pleaser, saying and doing what you “think” is the way that everyone wants you to be? If you answered yes to either of those last 2 questions, you may want to think about it for a while. You will never be fully happy if you are living that way! God made you to be you, not someone else! And if you are a person that IS quick to judge, which we all have done, take a minute to think about and ask yourself, “Am I being selfish?” How would it make you feel, if you felt so strongly, and you made your opinion known, that you didn’t agree with someone’s path of healing? So, that person never went through with it (because the confidence wasn’t there, and they didn’t want to let you down, because they cared and loved you SO MUCH and felt that if they went against your word, they would completely crush your world) and all because you were so critical and selfish thinking how it would affect YOU.. so they ended up living the rest of their life, just there, going through the motions, barely alive.. How would that make you feel? All I know, is that I want happiness for everyone! I think everyone deserves it and you need to give people a chance and not always be so close minded.. you are not in their shoes. If everyone tried to just listen a little more, and tried to understand where others are coming from, and be a little bit kinder, this world could be a better place! And just maybe, you could even save one person’s life by being kind and trying to be understanding instead of selfish and throwing your opinions out there when you may not know what you are even talking about.
For me, finally, after 15 years of struggling through life, I feel so alive and happy! And it hurts when I think about comments that people have made about the path I took. It hurts so much. It makes me feel as if they don’t care about my happiness, that I SHOULD have to just live with my nose barely above water, hanging on by a thread; That life is not supposed to be easy. But.. I 100% don’t believe that God would want us to be that way, miserable and barely holding on. I know my family has seen major changes in me and it brings them so much joy to finally see me truly enjoying life instead of suffering. It has been very hard on them to see me this way for so long and feeling so helpless. So please, all I ask, is just TRY to understand, and THINK before you speak and if you can’t understand, then show them LOVE instead. We all are going through difficult things at different points in our lives. Focus on LOVING people instead of critiquing them. It is not our place to judge. And I too have to work on this everyday! It doesn’t always come easy or natural. But just try to put forth the effort. Please.
Thank you for reading. It means the world to me.